At the beginning of therapy clients come to me submissive and lacking in their own ability and ownership of their own solutions.
“I feel helpless and don’t know what to do”
“How my parents made me is who I am “
I have observed that in virtually every client I have worked with there comes a significant point when the client comes to realise that I don’t have the magic answers and that in fact they are the ones who have to do the work.
Sometimes they may acknowledge this but then rebel against it
“Why should I have to work so hard?”
“It should not be this hard, there is something wrong with me”
“My parents should have helped me more, I shouldn’t have to be the one doing this work now, undoing all their damage”
This is because they are also avoiding the sense that when they look within themselves they feel even more helpless and alone, seeing a void empty space inside of them.
It is only when they have finished with their rebellious tantrum (and believe me I have been through it myself also), and they start to engage in that empty space inside, they start to take ownership of their own problems and solutions; thus they start to realise that it is much easier than they imagined.
Once a person is connecting ‘within’ themselves and they stop trying to ‘think’
their way to a solution a space is opened for the solution to emerge into the empty space. Then it becomes easy. Then the chatter quietens down, then intuition or ‘gut instinct’ guides them.